Mencap: Carol's blog

Mencap: Carol's blog

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Where have you been?

I haven't blogged for ages. It's been manic here! The last three months have been full of getting my youngest ready for college and, after her departure, enjoying the quietness of an empty nest. I've also been working on a blog that details what it's like when a child with special needs leaves home for the first time. I'm not sure if it will get published, but I've sent it to Mencap to see if it's suitable and helpful to other parents.

It's been a much harder process than I thought it would be and, much as I am enjoying the freedom of not giving myself to someone who needs so much support, I don't know what to do with the extra time I now have. That problem will be short lived I think, but in the meantime I am liking being busy because it means I have less time to worry if my "baby" is okay!

The underlying thing is that she is really having a ball, and that helps to ease the concerns that I have. We have had tears on the phone, but only once and that was because she wanted me to sort out a problem she had, and I couldn't. Well not directly. A short phone call to her Key worker and the situation was resolved. A short trip to the hospital to sort out her hearing aid and she was back to normal.

It's a learning curve for us both. For nearly twenty years I have been her main carer. The one she always turns to for help. We have both got to learn to let go. That's what life is all about. It's what families have been doing for generations, and why should it be any different when you have special needs? What matters is that she has the sort of life that will give her all she needs to be fulfilled and happy. That is my greatest desire for her. A life where she isn't stuck with an ageing Mum and Dad for company. A life where she has friends and a social life that is full of fun. A life where she can contribute to society, not just receive pity and hand outs.

This is the beginning of the future for Hayley. She deserves to be happy and recognised as an important member of society.

It is hard, but then that's life. As a parent I need to let go in order for for all that I have invested to flourish.

She's leaving home...bye, bye.

This week marks the end of school life in our household. My youngest, my daughter, left this week and she will be going off to college in September. This will no longer be her place of residence, but it will always be her home.

She was so excited when she woke up yesterday. The thought of a leaving party where she and her four friends were the centre of attention, was so thrilling. Today, on waking late she asked what she would be doing at school on Monday!

I am so proud of all that she has achieved, particularly having hauled her away from a school she had been in for many years to a new environment 300 miles away. She has undoubtedly made her mark and there were tears in abundance from the staff as a montage of her "best bits", set to Robbie Williams "Angels" (her choice), was shown.

Just over nine weeks from now she will be embarking on the next stage of her life, away from home, away from us! She will have great fun and, once again, impact the lives of others as only Hayley can!

I will be sad, but only in a sentimental way. My nest will be empty, my chicks all flown. But hey! My job is done (well almost) and it's time for my youngest to have the time of her life. Grandchildren beckon and the next generation are making their contribution to the world. And I will be happy for them!

Oh Crumbs!

I defy anyone to eat a Hob Nob biscuit without making a mess. This phenomena means that even when you try to sneak one without other people finding out, there is always evidence (unless you're really sneaky and manage to wipe up the crumbs before anyone else sees!).
But what a joy to eat. Worth all the effort of a cover up!!

Spring is sprung...!

The first day of March. Spring has officially arrived.
To quote Spike Milligan:
"Spring is sprung,
The grass is ris,
I wonder how the birdies is?!".
I love Spring. The days are getting longer, the weather is a little warmer, the darkest days of winter are over and I feel great. Driving through the countryside the newborn lambs are beginning to gambol around the fields. The spring bulbs are bringing a splash of long overdue colour and the birdsong is trumpeting in a new season.
Bye bye dark winter. Hello the joys of Spring!

Memories

This last month has been a very difficult one. January and February are never the best months in my book. Having said that we do have significant family occassions to celebrate including wedding anniversaries and birthdays. I think what makes these months more difficult is the fact that the weather can be very unpredictable, the feelgood factor of Christmas has faded, and New Years resolutions have been quickly abandoned!

This year however has been particularly difficult. What should have been a wonderful holiday in South Africa for my Mum and Step Dad turned into a nightmare. A dream holiday that was planned over many years to take in the breathtaking Garden Route ended in tragedy. In an innocent walk in a beauty spot, my Step Dad lost his footing and fell to his death over a cliff edge.

I cannot explain how useless I felt being unable to comfort my Mum who was thousands of miles away. The frustration too of not being able to drop things at home to be there when she flew home was so hard to bear.

It has made me think. Families are so far flung these days and we can't just "pop in" when we need to. Sure there are cars and public transport ( who unfortunately hold you to ransom with their exhorbitant prices when you have to book up in an emergency). But it's not the same as being there when someone needs you.

But I digress. What I wanted to say was that my Step Father was a lovely man who was generous in every way. He always had time for everyone and showed interest in eveything they did. He was not my Dad and never tried to be, but he was always there for my Mum and gave her such happy memories. He died doing what he liked best - travelling, with someone he cared so much for.

On Friday, exactly a month after his death, we shall gather together to Celebrate his life and to say good bye. It will be bitter sweet.

Rest in peace.

Hail the Milkman!!

A quick follow up to my last blog. We had snow last night. Not a huge amount but enough to make it a bit slippy and very cold.
Had to get up to go to the loo at 4.30 am, look out of the window! The foot prints in the snow tell me that the Milkman has already been! We live at the end of a cul de sac so it couldn't have been anyone else.
What a hero!!